


The World of Second-Person

by Shinaka



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinaka/pseuds/Shinaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world of second-person means never having to say "I". An experimental piece on the internal battles Kurt and Dave face post-"Never Been Kissed" and up to and including the events of "The Substitute". Originally posted on LiveJournal on Nov. 17, 2010; heavy edits (such as the characterization of Dave's family) and additions for clarity have been made since then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World of Second-Person

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me if this fic is confusing. It was originally written very quickly in response to "The Substitute" and in a different writing style than I was used to, so I could better convey how someone's mind might be of "two minds", so to speak, about their experiences. It was an interesting experiment while it lasted.

Ask him anything about the past few weeks. 

He'll tell you about hockey practice and the great plays he made. How Azimio, dumbass as he was, got sick from making out with a hot Cheerio with the flu. How he slushied a few nerds for getting in his way when he tried to go to the bathroom - and for no reason as well. Maybe even how his grades in English were going back up (and how he cut Spanish class again).

He won't tell you one thing though. 

Because it never happened. So really, it's not "won't tell you," it's "can't tell you."

And if you tell him he's kinda looking too long at Hummel these days or maybe freezing in his tracks whenever he sees him in the hallway and even turning and - dare you say it - running the other way, the Fury would like to have a talk with you. Face-to-face.

 

* * *

 

Kurt figures he'll give Karofsky some space. 

Well, that's not the whole truth. 

If Mercedes has noticed him hanging out with her more, she hasn't said anything about it. If Rachel suddenly has more company in the Choir room after Mr. Schuester leaves, she's too busy practicing with Finn. If Brittany and Santana have a third pal leaving the school with them that's not Quinn, they just giggle and talk about trying out for head cheerleader (Santana) and how Finn rhymes with both Quinn and Sam (Brittany).

If you ask him if he's hiding, he'll raise his head high, stare you in the eye, and say, "What, me hide from Neanderthals and my future septic tank workers? Are you on Mrs. Schuester's vitamins?" If you tell him he's shaking a little as he says this and that his hands seem to rise to his lip too often, he'll give you a  _look_  - meant to be intimidating but filled with other things instead - and storm away.

And if you ask him what's wrong when you catch up to him, he looks like he might cry.

 

* * *

 

"...The gay agenda has been coming up recently due to the rise of namby-pamby liberal politicians. But viewers, please remember, so long as you hold God close to your heart and a shotgun in your car, no gays will infect your household with sin..."

Dave shovels cereal down his mouth. It's a little soggy from staying in the milk for too long. His mom's wiping the table next to him, with one ear pointed intently at the TV in the other room.

Then: "Honey," and Dave's mom stops in the middle of mopping up a puddle of orange juice. "If I'm remembering correctly, there's a queer at your school? Hummel's son?" 

It's a question but it's not. Her face looks calm, but underneath, there is only loathing.

Dave keeps eating. Though not any faster than normal. No, not any faster at all.

His mother's now giving him her full attention. "I asked, is Hummel's son a queer?"  

The bowl is clean save for a few drops of milk. He's still chewing though because the last spoonful was a little too big. If he's taking a little longer to answer than normal, it's all because of that.

If he also takes another gulp before he answers, it's because he really did take in more than he can chew.

"Dave, are you going to answer me any time soon?" His mom's itching to get back to watching TV, but Dave knows she won't go into the living room until he says something.

If you tell him later that he seemed to answer a little quieter than you expected him to, and that his mom seemed to take a little longer than usual to sit and enjoy her show, Dave won't even acknowledge that you're there. 

 

* * *

 

"How's things going at school?"

"I see. Hasn't done anything yet."

"I'll be here to back you up."

"Remember:  _courage_."

Kurt stares at Blaine's messages on his phone. Comforting. Constant. Confident.

Then he remembers the other boy being shoved into the railing and Kurt feels sick to his stomach all over again. 

So Kurt texts back, "Thanks, I'll be okay."

If you ask him how it felt to be McKinley High's only openly gay student, he'll give you a litany of adjectives. Lonely. Miserable. Hopeless. Isolated. Desperate. Rejected.

If you tell him that there's someone else like him at McKinley, he'll sink his head into his pillows and tell you to leave.

 

* * *

_This is the day when everything starts to unwind even more_

Dave can't escape. 

Hummel and his black faghag stand in the way between him and the lunch line (and though you point out other routes that don't involve being less than ten feet away from Hummel, he plows through students towards the line and towards Hummel's table anyway).

Hummel's in the middle of saying something - probably something gay - when he turns around and sees Dave and the words die in the little fairy's throat. 

Dave can't escape.

(It's been almost two weeks since that thing that didn't happen. It's been almost two weeks since he  _hadn't_  been shaken up and the contents left to implode. It's been almost two weeks since he  _hadn't_  looked into Hummel's faggy eyes. It's been almost two weeks since he  _hadn't_  dreamed about things that didn't and would never happen.

Then you tell him that it all did happen.)

In a split-second, he sees pictures and movements and lips accompanied by voices -

_"Is Hummel's son a queer?"_  

_Hummel's face transposed upon a Cheerio's._

_"So extraordinarily ordinary-"_

Later, later on, when Dave's at home and you ask him  _why_  for everything from lunch to after school in front of Hummel's locker, he'll only scream in response.

But for Dave now, it's "What's up, homo," and a wink to make him feel like the  _dirty fag he is._  Hummel, for once, doesn't get all emotional like a girl (but his face falls in a way that almost matches how Dave's been not-feeling up until now).

Then Dave walks away.

 

* * *

 

If you ask Kurt why he doesn't want to text Blaine about Karofsky, he'll say that he doesn't want to burden him. That he doesn't want to distract Blaine anymore from his studies. That he doesn't want his budding relationship with Blaine to be defined solely by his bully.

If you tell him he's trembling as he holds his phone, lit up with Blaine's past texts, he'll say that you're just seeing things. That you should go away and just leave him alone.

In the end, Kurt goes to bed without texting Blaine.

(He stares at his ceiling the entire night because there is no comfort you can give.)


End file.
